Read related: 3 steps to a civil relationship with your suegra
When I married Paolo, I knew I was getting more than a husband. I was also marrying into his traditional, Old World family, whose values and experiences were different from mine. Fortunately for them and me, our ideological conflicts are few.
Except when it comes to a clean house.
I admit that I am no housekeeper. There are a thousand things I’d rather do than mop the floor or iron Paolo’s undershirts. If I can write my name in the dust on the dining room table, that’s where I jot down my shopping list. It’s not that I never clean house. It’s just that my standard of a clean house does not meet the standard of the ladies in Paolo’s family, for whom a clean house ranks right up there with 5 o’clock mass and a flawless tiramisu.
My suegra, Sofia, first tried a subtle approach, advising me to keep a tidy home in case the doctor had to make a house call. I nodded along, did some cursory dusting while she was around, and went right back to my regularly scheduled programming, which usually involved working at my computer. Or picking blackberries. Or walking the dog.
"She became a stealth cleaner."
Sofia soon realized she needed to take covert action.
She became a stealth cleaner. While Paolo was renovating our new home, we lived for 18 months in the basement apartment of Sofia’s home. She’d step out on her balcony and if my car wasn’t there, she’d pounce on the opportunity to clean our apartment. I’d come home to a clean-smelling, freshly mopped and dusted apartment, and a stack of clean laundry neatly folded and yes, ironed!
When we went out of town, she’d call in the reserve troops. Paolo’s aunt and cousin would aide in the effort, pulling out furniture, sweeping and mopping underneath, and even organizing socks and underwear in our dresser drawers.
I had hoped that after one of them discovered my vibrator and tucked it in neatly amongst folded panties (yes, they even folded the g-strings), they might be dissuaded the next time, but no such luck. So I kept hiding the vibrator in a harder to find spot, only to return from a weekend away to find that spot, too, had been cleaned.
My baby shower gift: six months of a paid cleaning service!
As a new-baby and housewarming gift, friends of mine, aware that I am missing the housekeeping gene, paid for six months of cleaning service. It’s a great gift, and as much as it pains me to admit it, it’s having an effect on me.
I now tidy up in anticipation of the cleaning woman coming, and I even attempt to keep the house clean between her visits. Now when Sofia, my suegra, comes over, it’s mostly to see the baby. But when she’s not holding Naomi, she always asks if there’s something she can do. If I say “no, thank you,” she’s downright disappointed.
So, I usually try to find some laundry for her to fold, or an undershirt to iron. I just keep her out of my underwear drawer.
Read related: 3 marriage-saving tips for bicultural couples
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