I’ve been there. Frozen in front of the mirror, assessing my outfit, overwhelmed by the fact I have nothing to wear to where I am going and that I am just going to make a fool of myself by showing up.
But showing up isn’t an option so I get it together, make a final decision on my outfit, and I leave, begrudgingly, already self-conscious. Then I walk through the door, and my eyes fix on someone whose work I have been meaning to compliment for some time. I share my thoughts with her, and her eyes light up.
Someone else grabs my elbow as I am making my way with a plate of empanadas, and I stop to talk to him. He wants my advice on something, and I offer it, reassuring him that he has what he needs to handle the situation.
As our conversation closes, I catch an acquaintance’s eye across the room and head over to say hello. We talk about our work, our kids, our hair, this party, and then promise to get together again soon.
An hour has passed and I have not thought once about how I look because I have been too consumed in experiencing the people at this lovely get together. And here’s another thing, an hour has passed and not one of those people has cared how I look—in my eyes or theirs.
Too often, we become paralyzed by our appearance. We become convinced that our appearance means something, that it, in fact, means more than anything else we say or do. And, yet, time and time again, life shows us that is not the case. The only person who is basing our worth on our looks is us.
Later tonight, I will walk away from this party and no one will say, “how old do you think that dress was that Rosie was wearing?” or “what size do you think Rosie is?”
What I will leave with, because I was able to shift my focus from myself to my friends once I arrived at the party, is how I felt after all those genuine exchanges, and how I possibly made the people with whom I interacted feel.
That, after all, is the essence of life: to engage and be engaged, to heal and help heal, to be and let be, to love and be loved. When I drive away, I will laugh at my paralysis, my foolish belief that how I looked is what I had to offer the world.
And I will smile at the truth I have been reminded of on that beautiful night. At the end of the day, people do not remember or care about what you wore or how you looked wearing it. They remember how you made them feel, the insight you offered them, the hope you gave, the way you made them laugh.
They remember how alive you were and how alive you made them feel which is why we all should focus on living right and not on looking a certain way.
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