Valentine’s Day is for lovers as much as it is for single people to assess their unattached status.
Specifically, the question that needs to be asked is: are they being too picky? Even though it’s from the ‘90s, classic television sitcom “Seinfeld” detailed this persnickety mindset perfectly with various characters’ penchants for being turned off by the most obscure traits. Take for instance, “She has man hands,” “He’s a close talker” and “She eats her peas one at a time.”
We all know someone – including ourselves – who at one time or another left a first date knowing there wouldn’t be a second due to nitpicking. VOXXI talked to relationship specialist Helen Friedman PhD about this phenomenon, which is all too common in society.
“With online dating, there are a seemingly endless number of profiles to choose from,” Friedman said. “It gives the illusion if you go through enough people and profiles, you can find the perfect person. It’s all too easy to just say, ‘Next.’”
Basically, she’s saying that our culture has sped up with technology, which means people often assess a date’s behavior in haste without ample time to see the other person’s true character.
“Healthy dating involves knowing who you are and what you need,” Friedman said. “Therefore, some pickiness is essential; however, if your pickiness is keeping you from the love you crave, then it’s not working for you.”
A few tips to overcome being a picky dater
Sure, you never get a second chance at a first impression, but what if your first impression of someone is wrong.
“Because you often go out with people you don’t know well, you might focus on one thing they may say or do, and make negative assumptions about your date without adequate knowledge to draw conclusions,” Friedman said. “Remind yourself that no one is perfect. Find the imperfections you can live with.”
Maybe she has man hands but that’ll come in handy opening a beer. Or he’s a close talker but that’s perfect for whispering in movie theaters.
The Litmus Test of Love
In rom-coms, we often see characters – to a fault – desperately seek a certain number of characteristics in a mate. Yet, in the end, it’s opposites that attract. “People have romantic ideas about love and chemistry,” Friedman said, “There is this idea they will know in 10 seconds whether a stranger could be their romantic partners. Our culture leads towards the romantic marriage rather than the conscious marriage.”
GQ Model Vs. Victoria Secret Model
Yes, we all want to be with someone who is attractive, but one must set realistic needs in this department. “There’s an over-emphasis on chemistry and looks rather than on more substantial character traits and personal dynamics that could sustain a long-term relationship,” Friedman said.
The Fun Date Isn’t Always The Right Mate
“For example, there’s the exciting guy that thinks of fun things to do on dates but isn’t consistently kind, caring and trustworthy,” Friedman said.
The more you understand yourself, the more you’ll understand what you’re looking for in a partner. This may be the last tip but its message can’t be overstated.