Ben Bernanke apologizes to middle class and for bailing out big banks

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    Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve, middle class

    Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

    In a shocking development over the weekend, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke admitted the Fed’s tactics to re-inflate global economies since 1998 has hurt senior citizens and the middle class.

    Before the Federal Reserve bailed out Long Term Capital in 1998 the price of gasoline was a dollar per gallon.  In 1998, $100 would buy 10 to 12 bags of groceries.  Today, $100 buys four to five bags at that same grocery store. In 1998, the money in your bank accounts paid a 5 percent rate of interest or better.  Today, Americans pay to keep their money in a bank.

    Ben Bernanke admits quantitative easing did not help middle class

    Ben Bernanke admitted that at first he thought by bailing out failed financial institutions the economy would stabilize, but he admitted all it did was stabilize stock prices for the rich, while destroying the lives of those living on fixed incomes.  He lamented he tried to be like Dick Cheney and say he has no regrets about destroying the United States (by using false pretense of weapons of mass destruction to invade Iraq and rack up a costly war) but after the Dow Jones broke it’s all time high and still almost 20 percent of the nation is underemployed, he realized his policies have done more to damage the U.S. than Osama Bin Laden.

    Now Ben Bernanke is faced with having to convince other members of the Federal Reserve to switch gears.  He has decided to aim monetary stimulation directly at the middle class and is cutting off banks like Goldman Sachs and JP Morgan.  His idea is to send checks to people who want to start their own business and families’ with a net worth of under $2 million.

    As this news began to hit the wires, stocks like Citigroup and Bank of America got pummeled losing as much as 50 percent of their value as investors deduced their days of fleecing Americans as over.  Stocks that are dependent on a strong consumer and small to medium sized companies went up as much as 50 percent.

    This is an April Fools joke, but this plan is better than what the Fed is really doing.

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