If you are lucky, you’ve never been dumped. However, few of us are ever so lucky. If you have just been dumped by your sweetheart, you’re dealing with feelings of abandonment, embarrassment, shame, anger, betrayal, and worthlessness, just to name a few of those awful emotions. All of these boil down to ego suffering – and a lot of it.
When someone gets dumped, irrationality can take over. It’s hard to stop ourselves from indulging in some impulsive behavior: calling the recent ex, begging and crying for another chance, and asking, “But why?” All of this leaves us feeling even more stupid, worthless and once more, embarrassed. We seem to get drunk on grief and irrationality, even if we never touch a drop of liquor.
Hopefully there will be no next time, but life happens, and it doesn’t hurt to keep in mind things to avoid after being dumped. If you know in advance how to exercise some self-control, you’ll be more able to recognize when you’re at risk of going off the deep end and turning into the “crazy ex.”
In the end, by allowing ourselves to wallow in the grief and indignity of being dumped, we only make things worse and hurt ourselves more.
So let’s start with some things to avoidwhen you get dumped. We’ll refer to your ex as “the dumper.”
- Don’t keep checking the dumper’s Facebook page! Unfriend the dumper if you must. Don’t torture yourself.
- Don’t e-mail the dumper. Erase and/or block the dumper’s e-mail address so you won’t be tempted to write, at least not while your feelings are still raw. You can always unblock at a later time, but for now it’s off-limits! Blocking will take a few minutes and just this action will buy you time to think about what you are about to do or say via e-mail.
- Don’t call the dumper. Delete the dumpers number; it’s too tempting to call and say something you’ll regret later.
- Don’t listen to any music that might remind you of this person.
- Don’t obsessively replay the break-up in your mind, trying to understand what led up to the dumping. It doesn’t really matter, and you might not want to know, anyway!
- Don’t stay home or indulge in sad movies about break ups that actually end happily! You don’t need to add “hope” to the picture and thus prolong the pain.
- Don’t go to places the dumper frequents.
- Don’t see friends the two of you have in common, at least for a while. They don’t want to talk about the break-up, or hear you whining.
- Don’t stalk. If you think you might be stalking, you probably are!
- Don’t reread the dumpers last e-mails or texts!
- Don’t keep looking at pictures of the two of you together.
- Don’t get back at the dumper by dating or sleeping with a close friend of his or hers; this will only hurt you.
- Don’t go on a drinking binge, do drugs or whatever might make you lose control and show up at his or her doorstep, messed up and crying.
- Don’t share anything intimate about the dumper on any social network that you know might embarrass him or her. Other people will just look at you with pity, and you’ll turn the whole scene into a “telenovela.”
- Don’t answer the dumper’s apologetic e-mails if he or she writes to you.
- Don’t stay in bed! Get up with an alarm clock if you have to, but get moving!
Instead, try these tips for staying strong in the face of a break-up, and you’ll be back on your feet in no time.
- Talk about your break-up with your friends. A time will come when you will tire yourself out, and you just won’t want to talk about it anymore.
- Surround yourself with people whom you really care about, and who care about you.
- Jump at any offer to go out – shopping, dinner parties, a bike ride, you name it.
- Accept that it’s over.
- Take long baths, book a massage, in other words: pamper yourself.
- Read the newspaper, a novel (just not a sad romance novel!), anything that might distract you.
- Feel what you are feeling and let yourself go through the grieving process.
- Change your routine as much as you can. This helps rearrange your focus.
- If you pray, pray for your sadness to pass!
- Ask yourself every day: What can I do for myself today? How can love myself today?
- Go out into the world with courage and enthusiasm, even if you have to fake it for a while!
Most importantly, believe that if things didn’t work out, it’s because they weren’t supposed to. Something better will come along. Remember that your life is filled with the love of friends, family, pets – and not just romantic love.