How to be naughty without getting caught

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    Javier came in yesterday with a big smile on his face and said: “Baby, I’ve got great news!!” I was thrilled. I thought the man was going to invite me to my dream safari in Kenya. I couldn’t wait for him to break the news!

    “We’re spending the Christmas Holidays with my parents and your folks are coming, too!” he announced.

    I love Javier too much to hurt his feelings, but in all honesty, that was not my idea of good news. I still remember what it’s like to try and have sex with Javier at his parents´.  Are you in the same predicament as I am this Christmas?

    As long as you follow the five rules, you should be fine:

    Rule # 1: Do have silent sex. I mean, lock the door and do all that things you usually do, in utter silence. Think of it as a new experience and be creative. Bite your tongue and his lips and find new ways to communicate in non-verbal ways. You can look into your man’s eyes to figure out what gives him pleasure …

    Rule # 2: You may think this is TMI, but let’s be honest:  Sex is messy and you don’t want your mother in-law or your own mom to wash your stained sheets sheets. Only because your family assumes you have sex doesn’t mean they need to see the evidence! Grab a towel to protect linens before you get hot and heavy with your spouse.

    Rule # 3: The holidays may be the perfect time to work on your quickie skills. You won’t have all that time so don’t worry so much and stick with the tried and true sex techniques you know will work for you both.

    Rule # 4: Make the forbidden an erotic moment. Having sex in your spouse’s childhood room has the flavor of the forbidden. You were never allowed to do that when you were growing up, so now you have your chance to dig up all your  long-lost fantasies and make them come deliciously true.

    Rule # 5: If you still feel there’s no way you can have sex in that twin bed, you can always find some hot spots to have urgent sex. Try the laundry room and sit on top of the washing machine, take a shower together (running water can hide a moaning partner), go for a nature walk with a blanket and have some fun in the wild. You can find places if you’re that eager to please yourself and your man. Just make sure you don’t get caught!

    You can be naughty and nice this Christmas / Photo: Redbaron

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